I’ll keep my thoughts short and simple this year, partially because I was not so inspired by a lot of the performances (more rock, people, more rock!) and partially because you’ve probably become numb from the sheer volume of post-Grammy wrap-ups flooding the Web. So now, in no particular order…
Lady Gaga = You didn’t hatch from an egg as some thought, but you laid one.
Arcade Fire = You only need half as many members to achieve your sound; it’s like watching the White Stripes with two drummers. But I liked the unofficial closing number better.
Opening Aretha Franklin tribute = Not my genre, but an R-E-S-P-E-C-T-ful tribute.
Muse = Awesome, but they probably didn’t need the American Idiot-style presentation.
Mumford & Sons = Not what I’m usually into, but kind of cool actually.
Rihanna + dancing = Blatant lip synching.
Cee Lo Green = Puppets are cool, but not Gwyneth. Too bad you couldn’t have let the F-bomb slip to get a good bleep or two.
Usher + Bieber = A manufactured “touching” moment. Jaden Smith added nothing to your appearance. I’m convinced that Bieber is a robot.
Bruno Mars = Not my thing, but classy and energetic.
Mick Jagger = More energy than most performers half his age.
Bob Dylan + Mumford & Sons + Avett Brothers = Thanks for stopping by, Mr. Dylan. Bet you didn’t think they’d make you perform! (“Hey, who left this bass lying onstage? Someone could trip over this thing!”)
Katy Perry = Thanks for bringing Grandma and Russell Brand along. You should have brought them onstage. Stop with the wedding videos.
John Mayer + Norah Jones + Keith Urban = Nice to see and hear acoustic guitar playing that required skill rather than just strumming. But John, stop cribbing your look from Johnny Depp.
Miranda Lambert = The blond country starlet this year.
Barbra Streisand = Singing music from a bygone era. She’s never been my thing, but she brought elegance and balance to the show, and the audience showed her respect.
Eminem + Dr. Dre = Funny how rappers (i.e. non-musicians) still draw so much attention at music awards shows. Eminem still needs a sense of humor.
“In Memoriam” montage = Afraid to play a little Dio? Even when metal icons die, they still don’t command mainstream respect.
Nicki Minaj = Grace Jones knows how to make wackiness interesting, not just a put-on.
Seth Rogen = Not so funny, dude.
Lady Antebellum = A sincere and heartfelt song. I might buy that single.
Iron Maiden = Will they ever show the Metal and Hard Rock winners live on the Grammys again? What does the Recording Academy fear?
E! + Ryan Seacrest = Stop giving Gaga and others so much credit for their “originality”. Stop assuming we’re idiots.